Jesus Understands

The reason I chose the homeschool curriculum I did is because it was literature based. The premise is that you can learn a lot by reading good, quality literature. It’s worked well for my family so far. In our first grade schedule, we have a book that I adore. My daughters have loved it, too; although, I don’t know that it will be a big hit with my sons since it’s appeals a bit more to the feminine mind. The name of the book is Understood Betsy. Understood Betsy is a story about an orphaned girl, Betsy, who goes to live with various family members.

In the beginning of the book, Betsy lives with a spinster aunt. This aunt has read all the books on child rearing. She repeatedly tells others how proud she is that she understands Betsy because she has all this book knowledge on child rearing and child psychology. Betsy’s life if fairly controlled with her aunt. She doesn’t get to make a lot of choices. She doesn’t really understand her own thoughts and feelings. She just accepts what her aunt tells her about her thoughts and feelings because she has heard over and over that her aunt understands. After her aunt’s elderly mother becomes ill, Betsy is sent to live with relatives who own a farm. These relatives don’t claim to understand Betsy. Instead, they simply love her and allow her to explore on her own. Their knowledge of child rearing comes from having raise children. Betsy becomes free to think her own thoughts and feel her own feelings and make her own choices. In the end, Betsy realizes that the family that actually understands her is the family that accepts her for who she is and just loves her.

I love that book because I think we all long to be understood. Not book-learning based, controlling understood where someone claims to know what’s best for us and tells us so. But really, truly understood. We long for relationship with someone who understands who we are and how we feel about things. We want someone who shares our joys and our sadness…someone who knows when we need a hug and a bowl of ice cream or when we need to just vent our anger and frustration. We long for someone who loves us in spite of all of our flaws, someone who accepts us. There are times in life when you just need a friend you can talk to about everything without having to explain what it means to you.

At various times in my life, I’ve had friends and relationships that did really well at different parts of this equation. Some friends I can go to when I’m angry, and they can listen to me rant without it affecting them. Some friends are better at comforting me when I’m sad. Some friends seem to intuitively know how to guide a conversation so that I figure out what’s really going on inside my head, and I feel clarity where before I only had a lot of confusion. Some friends are great under pressure. Some are better to rejoice with. But none of these friends truly understands me completely. There is only one friend who can do that.

Jesus understands. He knows my thoughts and my feelings. He knows what’s going on inside my head and inside my heart. He understands what I’m going through and who I am. He knows my purpose, even if I haven’t figured it out yet. He sees a bigger picture than I see, so he understands me in ways I don’t even understand myself. I don’t have to explain to Jesus what I’m thinking or feeling because He knows. There’s not one situation in life where I will find myself going to Jesus and hear Him respond with: “Wow! That’s a tough one. I’ve never been in your shoes. I have no idea what advice to give you.” It just won’t happen. I know it won’t happen because the Bible says that Jesus was tempted in every way so that He might know how to support His people (Hebrews 4:15).

That doesn’t mean Jesus agrees with everything I do. It doesn’t mean Jesus sees the world and my situation exactly the way I see it. It doesn’t mean He lets me go on and on without saying anything. It definitely doesn’t mean He makes all my choices for me and tells me how I should feel about each one. Jesus doesn’t understand me because He read some book and is super smart and knows all the right things to say. Jesus understands me both because He made me, and because He’s walked the same path through life. Jesus understands me not only because He loves me deeply, but also because He has felt what I feel and walked where I walk.

Sometimes in life we walk a path that none of our friends have walked. We experience something that others have never experienced…maybe it’s something they can’t even imagine experiencing. They have no words to comfort us. They have no advice to give. All they can do is offer love and support in the form of quietly listening to us and standing beside us, surrounding us in prayer. But Jesus understands. We don’t have to try to explain it. We don’t have to try to put it in terms of a more common experience. He’s been there. He’s felt that. He has exactly the right words of comfort. He knows exactly what to do. He can go beyond the quiet support of our friends and offer healing support. Jesus understands.

This idea became very real to me when the state removed my children. None of my friends had ever had this happen. None of them have a child with mental illness. None of them had ever been railroaded by the state. Like most people, we all believed that the system worked. If you’re innocent, you have nothing to fear. In a million years, none of us believed that the system was broken to this extent. Oh, we had heard the system was broken over and over again in various news stories, but it still felt like while a part of the system might be broken the part that determined guilt or innocence had to work. Right?! But it didn’t. It doesn’t. So in the beginning when I didn’t know what to do, my friends could do nothing but stand there and hold me as I cried and tell me that they loved me. They had no words. They didn’t understand. They couldn’t even imagine what I was going through.

But Jesus understood. He understood exactly how it feels to be innocent and charged with crimes you didn’t commit. He understood exactly how hard it is to tell the truth when it would be so much easier to tell the lie and get what you want. He understood exactly how it felt to be betrayed by people close to you, to be lied about, to bear the sense of shame. As a member of the Godhead, He knows what it’s like to lose a child. He knows what it’s like to lose your sense of identity and to question who you are, how you got here, and if this is really God’s plan. He knows what it is to cry out to God for answers about why this is the only way or why this is happening and to get no response. He’s felt all these things, and He understands.

I could pour out my heart to Jesus, and I never heard the words: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I just don’t have the words to say.” Jesus understood. He knew exactly what I needed. It doesn’t mean that all the words He spoke to me felt good. They didn’t. It doesn’t mean that He explained in detail what was going on and why. He didn’t. It doesn’t mean I know how this will end other than to trust that He works everything for good. I don’t. But it means that He was able to comfort me to a different degree than anyone else. There was no hurt I felt that He didn’t understand. On my hardest days, I could feel His arms wrap around me and feel Him cry with me because what breaks my heart breaks His heart, too.

What a friend we have in Jesus! All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! How often have I sang those words? But I never really put them to the test. When we need a friend, we can go to Jesus. We can pour out our hearts and receive deep, deep healing and comfort and support. Deeper than anything we can get from even our best friend here on earth. Because Jesus knows…. Because Jesus understands…..

** I encourage you to learn about the history of the hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus“. You can find a short video of the story on youtube in “the story behind the hymn” series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKjUoE2fack