As I was reading my daily Bible reading, I came across a verse that stuck out to me: 1 Chronicles 16:43. Let me set the stage a bit. Saul has killed himself in battle with the Philistines, and David has been made king over all Israel. David has retaken Jerusalem, assembled a group of mighty warriors, and gone to get the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem. They didn’t do this the right way, though, and Uzzah was killed. David leaves the ark in the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite because he fears the Lord and understands that he is too sinful to have the ark with him. Then he defeats the Philistines. Finally, he has decided to bring the ark back God’s way by consulting with the Levites on how to carry the ark. The ark is returned to the tent David has made for it, and the entire nation worships before the Lord. David re-institutes the tabernacle worship, and then comes verse 16:43 of 1 Chronicles:
” Then all the people left, each for their own home, and David returned home to bless his family.”
1 Chronicles 16:43
David returned home to bless his family. He has finished blessing God, and now it’s his family’s turn. When I read this it got me to thinking about what it means to bless our family and also about all the ways my husband blesses our family.
The Talmud says that a father must:
circumcise his son
redeem him (if he is the first born)
teach him Torah (God’s law)
assure that he marries
teach him a trade
and teach him to swim
That’s what it takes according to Jewish custom to be a good father. In Jewish families, fathers and mothers have different roles to play, but they are both important. You can’t have a fully functional family without both. Jewish mothers handle the day to day teaching. They lay down the rules. Fathers are seen as the enforcer of those rules. According to Rabbi Wechterman, “Mothers provide the nurturing love that builds confidence and enables personalities to flourish. Fathers provide the mentoring that directs our paths and shows us right from wrong.”
Since my husband is a truck driver, I am often on my own when it comes to things around the house. Before our kids were placed in foster care, the bulk of the child rearing duties fell squarely on my shoulders. That’s an exhausting task! So the weekends when my husband came home really felt like an incredible blessing. Raising my girls was easy. I knew what they were thinking and feeling. They made sense to me. I could remember what it was like for me when I was their age, and it gave me insider guidance on how to help them navigate life. But the boys are like an entirely different species! I have no idea what they’re thinking. They seem to be motivated by danger and destruction. I don’t know how to guide them into manhood because I have no idea what it means to be a man, much less to be a man of God.
I look to my husband to train our sons to be men of God. I look to him to guide our daughters in certain areas as well. He teaches them self defense. He teaches them to work with their hands–to repair things for themselves and to be independent. There is something about a father’s love that speaks differently to us than a mother’s love does. God made it that way. We need both. My husband is extremely strong willed. It’s a blessing and a curse, but I know that my children will learn from him how to stand up for what they believe in and refuse to back down. They will learn loyalty and devotion. They learn integrity. They learn what it means to be strong and to have an unshakeable faith. These are things that I can’t teach them in the same way. My faith looks different. It has a feminine, relational flavor to it, but my husband’s has a law-abiding, justice-minded flavor to it. I think we need both to please God.
When my husband is home, the things he adds to the household are truly a blessing. I feel secure when he is here. I’m less afraid. I feel as if I have a stronger teammate around. One who sees the world differently from me and in a way that I desperately need to see it if I’m to understand how to navigate it in order to raise my kids. My husband’s faith in God is different than mine. He prays differently. He reads the Bible differently. God relates to us differently. And all of those viewpoints total up to God. God didn’t create just male. He didn’t create just female. He created male and female. He designed us for relationship. He did it because we need both of us together to form a picture of who God is.
The biggest blessing my husband brings to our house and to our family is his relationship with God. The Hebrew word for bless is barak. It means to kneel. When we bless, we are showing our submission to God. We are worshiping Him. We are opening up the door for God to work through us for the betterment of our families, our marriages, and our children. That’s what God desires. He wants us to submit to His plans for us. That’s what truly blesses us. It isn’t so much about the things I do. It isn’t so much about the things my husband does. It’s about the things that we allow God to do through each of us by our absolute submission to Him and reliance on Him to provide what we need.
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.“
When we find ourselves in difficult situations, we turn to our friends for comfort and support. If we have godly friends, we know that they will surround us with love, lift us up in prayer, and give us gentle correction in times when we may have strayed away from God’s plan for us. If we have ungodly friends, we may not get correction or prayer, but we can usually count on them to have our backs. True friends are reliable in times of trouble. They help us out of difficult situations and lend us strength when we are suffering.
But if we don’t have true friends, if we’ve surrounded ourselves with superficial people who are only with us for the benefits they get from us, when trouble comes we can kiss their support goodbye. Fair weather friends won’t help us in difficult situations. They won’t lend strength or support. They disappear just like those clear blue skies disappear when storm clouds appear on the horizon. Without the support of friends when things go badly, we can come to a place of loneliness and depression. Without support and strength, our life can appear to be ruined and may in fact be ruined financially or socially when tough times come if we have no one to stand in our corner and offer help.
But even friends have limits. Friendship is a strong bond, but it isn’t the strongest bond. Blood is thicker than water, and beyond the demands you can place on friendship are the demands you can place on family. Brothers are a great example because even though you and your brother may fight and not get along, when you need something, your brother will be there. They will be there no matter what. In today’s verse, we are told that there is a friend that sticks even closer than a brother. Long past the time when friends would leave, long past the time when even family will no longer support you, Jesus will still be standing by your side. He will surround you with His love. He will lend you His strength and support. He will lift you up to the Father through His constant intercession on your behalf, and He will definitely correct you in love to bring you back into right alignment with God’s will for your life. There is nowhere you can go and nothing you can do to make Jesus turn His back on you. What a wonderful promise we have in Him!
Father, I thank you for the gift of your Son Jesus Christ. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. There is nothing I can go through that can separate me from your love. There is no circumstance in my life that I can face that would ever cause you to turn your back on me or abandon me. You are walking right beside me no matter where I go. You offer strength and support and correction when I need it. You give me favor and blessing. When I suffer, you suffer with me. When I am rejoicing, you rejoice with me. Thank you for such a great promise and such an awesome gift as your unconditional love! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
We are in the sixth week of mandatory lock downs due to COVID-19. Our governor has chosen to extend the stay home/stay safe order for another two weeks….minimum. What was supposed to be a short two week effort to flatten the curve has turned into a seemingly never-ending cycle of social distancing. It feels like imprisonment. It’s dragged on far longer than we ever could have imagined when this whole outbreak started, and there is no end in sight for some of us. At this point in time, we may be asking ourselves what this was all for? There seem to be voices on both sides of the line, and no one really knows whether the lock downs were a necessary evil or a bad idea that has dragged this out far longer than it should have.
I’m not hear to debate political policies or even scientific data on the subject. It’s not important to our every day lives in this moment right now. What is important, though, is how we’re all coping with the situation we find ourselves in right now. Since the lock down started, our church has tried to put together daily times of encouragement and prayer to help give believers, and anyone else who’s looking for it, a shot in the arm. So every week day morning at 7 am, some of our pastors do a Facebook live video where they give an encouraging word, a confession of faith, and a time of prayer. It’s a wonderful time to get together in the only way we can at this point. We have a little chat in the comment section and agree in prayer with anyone who has a need. On Thursdays, our women’s minister does an extra broadcast at 10 am. That’s a little later than our normal weekly women’s ministry meeting would start, but it still gives us ladies a quick time to join together on Facebook, watch a live message just for us, and catch up on all our friends who we miss terribly.
During this week, Pastor Karen said something that caught my attention. She said, “I think we’re all feeling weary at this time.” I definitely could attest to that. While I wasn’t feeling weary at that very moment, I had dealt with a nasty feeling of weariness just the week before. The world seemed darker. Everything seemed harder. It felt like the joy and the strength were just being sucked out of me. I wondered why I should even bother trying to keep up with a routine or trying to do new things during this time when it just seemed to stretch on and on and on. Pastor Karen’s message was about pressing through until you find your second wind, and that got me thinking as well.
I’m not a runner. I hate running actually! In fact, I often joke with my husband that if a murderer or something scary were chasing me, I would admit I have had a pretty good life, make peace with it, and let it get me because I would just rather die than have to run. So there are a lot of metaphors that Paul uses in his writings that I just can’t identify with. All those metaphors of running or competing athletically for a prize are completely lost on me. I’m just not the athletic type. I more the cuddle up with a good book and a nice cuppa type. But weariness I understand.
We often use weary as a synonym for tired, and it is. It’s also more than that. The Oxford Dictionary defines tired as “in need of rest or sleep; fed up, annoyed, irritated, or sick of.” If I do a long day’s work, I might feel tired, but a good rest will put everything right again. Tired is a temporary feeling. It’s a feeling I get when I’ve exerted myself a bit. Weary, on the other hand means “having the strength exhausted by toil or exertion.” This isn’t just a long day’s work. This is the feeling you get after several long days’ work. It’s the feeling you get when a good, old fashioned nap just won’t cut it. You need several naps. You need a vacation!
After the first two weeks of the stay home/stay safe order, I was tired. Even though I’m an introvert and tend to stay home anyway, there was still something different about not being able to go anywhere even if I wanted to. It was tiresome. It was boring. But a new project or a jigsaw puzzle was enough to shake things up a bit and restore my good spirits. I talked to God about how bored I was, but I wasn’t in desperate need of any divine intervention. After six weeks of the stay home/stay safe order, I can definitely say that I am weary. I miss seeing people at church. I miss attending my weekly Bible studies. I miss visits with my kids and being able to hug and kiss and snuggle them. I’m well beyond tired. I’m long past bored. No amount of projects or jigsaw puzzles or good books is enough to restore my spirits.
I am weary. I am losing all motivation to do even the routine things anymore. It seems pointless. I’m weary to the point of almost falling into depression. My strength is drained. I talk to God about my weariness, and I’m in desperate need of some divine intervention. Luckily, weariness is nothing new to God. Weariness is something everyone faces at some point in time. David felt weariness as he ran from Saul and later from Absolom’s attempt to take the throne. In Psalm 73:26, David encourages himself by writing: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” David knows who to turn to when He needs rest: God. In Psalm 55:22, he says: “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Jesus felt weariness after His time in the wilderness. Once His temptation was complete, angels came and attended Him. Paul felt weariness. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, he writes: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
In each of these cases, God provided rest and strength. Isaiah says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40: 29-31). In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus promises to provide rest to the weary: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
“They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” We’re back to running again, and it got me thinking about a movie I saw recently, Overcomer. The movie follows the story of a teenage girl who believes she’s an orphan. She begins attending a Christian school where she joins the track team. She’s the only member. As she trains, her coach (whose really the basketball coach) discovers that her father is still alive. Her father was a track star as well, and it’s his advice the coach has been using to know how to help her train. The day of the championship race is at hand, and Hannah is nervous about her performance. She’s never won a race. Her coach decides to have her father coach her by having him talk to her on a recording that she’s allowed to listen to while running.
The race begins, and Hannah starts running. “Don’t burn yourself out early,” her father says. “Settle into an even pace.” It’s a rookie mistake to use all your energy and power early. It’s the lesson learned by the foolish virgins, after all. Ten virgins trim their lamps and prepare to wait for the arrival of the bridegroom. Five of them bring just enough oil for the journey, but the other five bring a little bit extra. They want to be prepared in case things take a little bit longer than expected. Of course, it does take a bit longer. The five foolish virgins are out of oil. They have nothing left. They have wearied in the waiting. They have to seek out a refill of oil, and they end up missing the wedding feast as a result. The five wise virgins had extra oil. They didn’t burn out early. They paced themselves. They knew that things often take longer than we expect, and they were ready.
“When your body tells you that you can’t do it, don’t listen to it. It’ll tell you that you should quit. But you tell your body that your mind is in charge today.” It reminds me of 1 Corinthians 9:27. Paul says, “No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” “I tell my body that my spirit man is in charge,” says Paul. I don’t want to quit early. I don’t want to give up. I want to push through my weariness and gain the victor’s crown. There are many times when we’re enduring trials that our flesh tells us we can’t do it. Our flesh cries out to give up…to give in. But if we listen to the right voice, our spirit will encourage us to keep our eyes on Christ, the author and finisher of our faith. He will strengthen us as we push through. He will help us overcome our weariness.
As Hannah approaches the finish line, her father says, “This is where you think like a winner. If your legs are burning, let them burn. Your lungs may be tired, but they’re not done yet. Other runners are feeling the same thing….Keep your eyes on the finish line. I’m right here with you. I can see you winning!” Paul compares our life to a race. He tells us to let go of what lies behind and press on to take hold of the prize (Philippians 3:13). This is where you think like a winner. Races are won and lost in the mind before they are won or lost anywhere else. Paul tells us to lay aside the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12:1-3). We are running a race. We are surrounded by a crowd of witnesses, cheering us on–all those believers that have gone before. We’re going to be tired. We’re going to be weary. Our strength is going to be nearly gone. Our legs are going to burn. Our lungs are going to feel as if they’re about to explode….and still we need to keep running. We fix our eyes on the finish line. We look to what lies ahead. We keep our eyes on the prize. It’s Jesus there running along side us. It’s Jesus cheering us on as this father did in the movie.
If you haven’t seen the movie Overcomer, I encourage you to watch it. But bring lots of tissues! It’s definitely a tearjerker. Whether I like to run or not, I’m in a race. It’s a race of faith. There are lots of negative voices trying to get me to give up. There are lots of obstacles in my path trying to slow me down. At times, this race takes a lot longer than I think it will. I start it as if it’s a sprint, but it’s a marathon. There may be times when I don’t run as quickly. There are going to be times when I am weary…times when the trials and tribulations seem almost too much. But those are the times that I need to hear the voice of my heavenly Father saying, “Keep your eyes on the finish line. I’m right here with you. I can see you winning! Run, my daughter!” So I press on. I keep going. I get up, and I keep my routine. I do it again and again and again. And each day, I go to God for strength and for rest and for refreshment. He’s the only one who can heal my weariness.
“So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”
The Prodigal Son is a story about a son treating his father about as badly as you can. The prodigal son was a selfish person. He didn’t care about his father. He only cared about his money. He goes to his father and demands his inheritance. In essence, he wished his father were dead! And his father gave him what he requested and let him go out into the world to make his own choices. The son wastes his money and makes a bunch of foolish decisions. He finds that the people he thought were his friends were really just opportunistic mooches who only stuck by him while he had lots of cash to spend on them. He finds himself working as a pig herder, the lowest job a Jewish person could do. Pigs were unclean animals, and taking care of them and touching them made the person unclean as well.
The son decides that he’s going to go and beg his father’s forgiveness and offer to work as a slave. He reasons that even his father’s lowest slave was treated much better than he himself is being treated right now. So he goes home, rehearsing his apology all along the way. The audience that heard Jesus’ story probably had their own opinion about how the father would treat his son. Some may have thought the father would finally get revenge on such a disgraceful son. Some might have thought that the father would take pity and let the son be a servant. But I doubt any of them saw the ending that Jesus had in mind. In Jesus’ parable, the father sees the son while he is a long way off. This father never gave up hope. He had been waiting for his son to return. He had been watching the horizon for any sign of his son on the road. And while the son is a long way off he runs to him.
The father’s response is one of unconditional love and forgiveness. He doesn’t ask for an apology. He doesn’t demand respect from his son. He doesn’t tell him “I told you so” or “serves you right! You got what you deserved.” No. His only response is love for his son. He doesn’t care what the son has done. He loves him anyway. This is God’s heart toward each one of us. God isn’t sitting on His throne in heaven like an angry judge waiting to meet out punishment to us whenever we do wrong. He isn’t saying, “Well, I’ll forgive you once you’re really truly sorry for your actions and you’ve suffered a bit.” He doesn’t say, “I told you so.” or even “You got what you deserved!” No. God is watching for us like a loving father. He’s scanning the horizon for any sign that we are headed down the road that leads back to Him….and while we are a long way off, He comes running to meet us.
God’s love for us is unconditional. No matter what we’ve done. No matter how badly we’ve sinned. No matter how deeply we’ve wounded God’s heart with our actions. His love for us never changes. He is waiting with open arms to welcome us home, to offer us complete forgiveness, and to celebrate our return!
Father, thank you for your great love for me. I have sinned against you so many times, and yet you are always there waiting for me to turn around, to repent, and come back to you. You don’t punish me. You don’t demand justice. You just want me to come home, admit I was wrong, and live like your Son. You sent Jesus to die in my place, something I never deserved. That’s something I could never deserve. You did it because you love me. You did it because you are a good, good Father. Thank you, God, for being a good father to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
When we suffer hardships and trials in our lives, we can fall into a victim mentality. The victim mentality keeps us from experiencing God’s best in our life. It holds us in a place of bondage, and keeps us from moving forward. Joyce Meyer once said, “God told me, ‘Joyce, you can be a victim, or you can be victorious, but you can’t be both!'” I think that’s true. God wants us to be people of freedom. He doesn’t want us living in bondage any longer. Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ Jesus set us free.” Remember freedom is being able to fully respond to God as the person He created us to be. God didn’t create us to be a victims; therefore, we have to move from from a victim mentality to the attitude of a victor!
What is a victim? The Oxford Dictionary defines victim as: 1) a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action; 2) a person who is tricked or duped; and 3) a living creature killed as a religious sacrifice. When we think about the word victim, the words that come to mind are things like: injured party, casualty, wounded, prey, a target, stuck, defeated. We don’t have to be a victim of a crime to have a victim mentality. We can be harmed by other people or by other events beyond our control. A victim mentality is a mindset of defeat.
According to Wikipedia, a victim mentality “is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.” A victim mentality is a choice of how we will handle emotional wounds. It’s a trained reaction or response. If A happens, then B happens. Here’s an every day example of a trained reaction or response. Let’s say you’re driving in your car near a busy mall. A car pulls out in front of you without enough room for you to avoid a crash. You slam on your brakes, swerve to avoid a collision, and you may even throw out your right arm to protect the person in the passenger seat. You narrowly manage to miss a collision. The next time you’re driving near the busy mall, a car goes to pull out of the entrance. They have plenty of room, and there is no danger of a collision; but because of your previous experience, you slam on your brakes, swerve to avoid a collision and throw out your right arm to protect the person (if there even is one) in the passenger seat! This has become a trained response because of the traumatic event that you previously experienced.
A victim mentality sets in because at some point in our life, we have been wounded, maybe as the result of abuse, trauma, accident, divorce, crime, neglect, etc. The enemy gets in and sets up a stronghold in our mind, will, and emotions. We filter everything through it, and it can become our core identity. It colors our view of ourselves, God, and others. When we are allowing a victim mentality to color our view, we forget to see the blessings of God and our soul gets poisoned instead of nourished.
“One can’t live in a broken world without eventually being marred by brokenness on a personal level.”
Grace Gail “From Victim to Victor”
A victim mentality is characterized by feelings of pessimism, self-pity, anger, and feeling like like is beyond our control. You may have thoughts like: “It’s not my fault” or “They did this to me.” It might be a learned pattern that we use in order to avoid an uncomfortable situation or to escape. We might be aware that we are doing these things, but we might not be aware at all. It may take someone else to point out our pattern of behavior to us.
TYPES OF VICTIM ATTITUDES
PASSIVE— A passive victim feels helpless and hopeless, depressed and pessimistic. They beat themselves up for what they should have done differently. They are self-defeating and invite others to rescue them.
MISERABLE–The miserable victim develops patterns of interaction that bring guilt and pity or fear and intimidation. This is the “poor me” crowd.
MARTYR–A martyr victim spends a lot of time pleasing others. They appear to be selfless givers, but in reality, they expect in return. This mindset makes you say, “I do all these things, and no one ever does anything for me.”
ANGRY–An angry victim is constantly angry about something. Everything they encounter triggers anger in them. They are afraid of losing control of a situation or of being abandoned.
BULLY–A bully victim lashes out and steamrolls over anyone who gets in the way. They expect others to do things “the right way.” They get caught up in the mindset that they must constantly defend themselves against a cruel and hostile world.
EXCUSE PLAYER–This victim plays the “if only” game. “If only I had more time….” “If only I was smarter….” “If only I had more money…” etc. This victim blames everyone and everything else for their lack of success.
A victim mentality comes from holding onto the past and unforgiveness. We are waiting for an absolution that will never come in the way we expect. In essence, we are partnering with the enemy. John 10:10 says that “the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.” When we allow Satan to steal our victory, kill our joy, and destroy our lives, we are partnering with his desires for our life. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Satan can not devour us without our permission, but if we allow ourselves to be trapped in a victim mentality then we are giving Satan permission to devour us. A victim gives up in order to be a victim. They are overly concerned about what others think about them.
The original incident may not be our fault–it may have been completely beyond our control or choice–but we are responsible for what happens after that. Hebrews 12:1 tells us to, “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.” If we’re going to move from a victim mentality to a place of victory in Jesus, we have to let go of unforgiveness and from our identification with defeat. We have to surrender ourselves to God and find our true identity in Him. We need to stay true to that identity, knowing that others will eventually see us for who we truly are.
Jeremiah 5:25 says, “Your wrongdoings have kept these away; your sins have deprived you of good.” No matter how you cut it, unforgiveness and holding onto a victim mentality are sin. Luke 6 tells us that we must love our enemies in order to be disciples of Jesus Christ. Forgiveness moves us from any bondage we may be stuck in. Part of loving our enemies is forgiving their wrongdoing against us. Forgiving doesn’t mean that we say what they did was okay or that it was right. It simply means that we release them back to God for Him to deal with.
We must accept the fact that we may never see the person who has hurt us punished in a way that we would like to see. Romans 12:19-21 tells us: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” God is our portion, and the only thing that can truly satisfy us. When we are focused on other things, like our need for revenge or our victim status, we can’t see God.
We must repent from the desire to protect ourselves at all costs. We have to quit blaming others for the circumstances of our lives. We must repent of the desire for personal revenge. Let God handle the justice part. He’s the only one who truly can. If we want to move from a victim mentality to a place of victory in Jesus, we have to desire to be set free, healed and delivered. We must see ourselves as Christ in us. We are no longer victims. We are overcomers! We must be thankful and willing to obey whatever God is asking us to do. Being thankful allows us to see the blessings that God has been giving us all along. We must align ourselves with the hope that we have in Christ and focus our eyes on God.
Satan wants us to question the character and nature of God. We need a revelation of God’s heart for us in order to counteract the trap Satan wants us to fall into. God has a destiny in mind for us that Satan can’t steal. All he can do is get us to give that destiny up. A thankful spirit erodes a victim mentality because it changes our perspective from what has been done tous to what has been done for us.
BIBLICAL EXAMPLE
Take a look at the story of David and Goliath found in 1 Samuel 17.
For forty days, Goliath taunted the Israelite army. The number 40 in Scripture often refers to a time of testing. The flood in Noah’s time was 40 days and 40 nights. Moses spent 40 days on Mount Sinai, receiving instructions from the Lord. The Israelites had wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. There’s every reason to believe that as the days got closer and closer to 40, the Israelites fell more and more into a victim mentality.
You could say that Saul and the Israelites had a victim mentality. They were focused on how big and scary Goliath was. Their focus was not on God. They believed that no one could defeat Goliath. They probably cried out to God, “Why are you letting this happen?” “Don’t you see how big he is?!” “We’re never going to be able to win.” “This always happens to us.” They didn’t trust in the character of God. Instead, they trusted what their eyes could see. Fear depleted them. The Israelites were concerned about their own safety. They saw this as their battle. They felt ill-equipped and unable to defeat Goliath.
David didn’t have a victim mentality. He had an overcomer mentality. His focus wasn’t on how big Goliath was; it was on how big God was. David believed in the character of God. Faith energized him. He was concerned with God’s honor, not his own safety. David saw this battle as God’s battle. He felt well able to overcome because he remembered how God had delivered him in the past. David chose to stay with God, rather than letting the enemy win.
TEST YOURSELF
Do you want to know if you might be suffering from a victim mentality in some area of your life? Read through these statements. If these statements feel familiar to you, you may have an area that God wants to deal with where you are living in victimhood rather than victory.
I have to accept bad situations because they are a part of life and I can do nothing about them.
I don’t expect much good in my life.
Nobody could ever love me.
I’m always going to feel sad, angry, depressed, and confused.
There are only a few people I can trust.
I’m afraid of the future.
Most of the time, I think things will never get better.
There’s not much I can do to make my life better.
I can be either a perfectionist or a slob, depending on my mood.
I tend to see people as either for me or against me.
I feel pressured to get along with people even when I don’t want to.
I’m never going to get over what happened to me.
I have very few choices in my life.
If anyone can keep me out of heaven, they can.
I’m never going to forgive that person for what they did to me.
I find myself apologizing for myself to others, even if it’s not my fault.
ACTIVATION
Ask God:
Father, show me if there is a wound I have not let go of.
Show me if there is a time in my life where I have expressed defeat in my words or actions.
Is there an area in my life where I have agreed with the enemy by seeing myself or by identifying as a victim.
If God reveals something to you here, repent. Renounce the lie that you have believed. Ask for God’s truth about your identity and about the situation.
Is there a lie of the enemy that I have believed about You or Your character?
is there a lie of the enemy that I have believed about myself?
Is there an area in my life where I have judged You as being unfaithful to me?
If God reveals something to you here, repent. Break your agreement with any lies that the enemy has sold you. Seek forgiveness for agreeing with the enemy.
Father, what is the truth that you want to place in my heart?
Show me a new revelation of your heart for me.
What does your love for me look like?
What are your intentions for me?
Receive anything that God wants to give you. Ask Him to fill the empty places in your life and to heal any wounds that may be left open. Receive that healing and filling.
“For the Scriptures tell us: Whoever wants to embrace true life and find beauty in each day must stop speaking evil, hurtful words and never deceive in what they say. Always turn from what is wrong and cultivate what is good; eagerly pursue peace in every relationship, making it your prize. For the eyes of the Lord Yahweh rest upon the godly, and His heart responds to their prayers. But He turns His back on those who practice evil.”
You reap what you sow. Sometimes, we’re unaware of the seeds we are planting in our hearts with our words. We say things without thinking. We easily take offense. We complain before we stop to think about what we’re thankful for. It’s part of human nature, but God’s Word makes it very clear that those are seeds we are planting, and if we’re not careful, we’ll reap a harvest we didn’t want in our lives. All of us want blessings. We want God’s favor. We want to have answered prayers. We want our days to be filled with beauty and sunshine. Luckily, Peter gives us the recipe for making that happen.
If we want to see beauty in the world around us, we have to plant seeds of appreciation in our hearts. If we want God to answer our prayers, we have to live godly lives. When we live godly lives, our prayers are in line with God’s will. Our hearts are turned towards God, and His heart is turned toward us. He hears us, and He delights in answering our prayers! When we focus on God’s will, on being thankful for what He has already given us, on seeking His kingdom in our lives and our relationships, we will reap the blessings of a bountiful harvest. We will plant seeds of blessing in our life. We will shift our focus from the negatives to the positives. We will cultivate an attitude of gratitude, and that will make every day beautiful!
Father, I thank you that you have given me everything that I need to have a wonderful, happy, fulfilling life. You have blessed me with every spiritual blessing. You are my provision. There is no lack in you. Father, I thank you that you want every day of my life to be filled with beauty and abundance. I’m sorry for the times when I only focused on the negative things in the world around me. I’m sorry for being ungrateful and forgetting the many blessings you have already provided for me. Help me to plant good seed in my heart. Help me to seek Your Kingdom first so that every day of my life can be filled with Your presence and Your beauty. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
I want to continue our look at the messages to the churches in the Book of Revelation. Just to review: The Book of Revelation was written by the apostle John. In the first chapter, John gives us the setting of his vision of Jesus Christ. Then, in chapter two, he begins to relate Jesus’ messages to each of the seven churches. Now, we know that there are far more than seven churches in the world today, so how should we look at these seven churches?
We’re dealing with a book of prophecy, so my usual caveat bears repeating. Prophecy is a tricky thing. Some things are meant to be taken literally. Some things are meant to be taken figuratively. The difficulty is that there is nothing within the prophecy itself to tell you which is which. You can’t definitively say that Scriptural prophecy means this or that unless Jesus Himself or God Himself has said in later Scripture that this is what prophecy means or that it has been fulfilled. Apart from that, we’re just trying to be wise and use the rest of Scripture as a guideline when it comes to what we glean from books of prophecy.
The number seven represents perfection and completion. Creation occurred in seven days. There are seven days in a week. The Bible was originally divided into seven sections: the law, the prophets, the writings, the gospels, the general epistles, the epistles of Paul, and Revelation. Likewise, the Holy Spirit is often referred to as the seven-fold spirit. So when we see seven in a prophetic writing, we can look at it as either being a literal number or as a representative number. In Revelation, I feel confidently that the number is representative. There are seven churches because their are seven mindsets/issues/backgrounds that we all share as believers that Jesus wants to speak to as we get closer and closer to the last days.
So with that context in mind, let’s take a look at Revelation 2: 8-11. This is the letter to the second church: the church of Smyrna. Most scholars agree that the name Smyrna was a reference to the myrrh, which was the chief export of the area. Myrrh represents mortal death, and the title of the “suffering church” is often ascribed the church of Smyrna. There’s no doubt that the believers in Smyrna suffered under the rule of Rome. Smyrna is located on the Aegean coast of Anatolia, about 35 miles north of Ephesus. It’s foundation as a city was inspired by Alexander the Great. Homer supposedly grew up in Smyrna, and there was a shrine to him during the Roman period. Smyrna was a member of the Ionian League, just like Ephesus. In fact, Smyrna vied with Ephesus and Pergamum for the title of “first city of Asia.”
There were two sections to Smyrna: Old Smyrna and New Smyrna. New Smyrna was built on the slopes of Mount Pagos. There were nearly 100,000 residents of Smyrna. The church of Smyrna was most likely established during Paul’s third missionary journey. John the Apostle was said to have mentored one of Smyrna’s prominent bishops, Polycarp, who was bishop of Smyrna until he was martyred in 153 AD. Both Saint Iraneaus and St. Ignatius were said to have been associated with Polycarp and with Smyrna. Smyrna suffered an earthquake in 178 AD and was rebuilt under the orders of Marcus Aurelius. Under Roman rule, Smyrna was dedicated to the worship of the emperor and the imperial cult. Emperor worship was required by law and violations of the law were punishable by imprisonment and death. Persecution of Christian minorities in Smyrna continued well into modern times as the Muslim majority tried to eliminate Christians through the Great Fire of Smyrna in 1922.
We don’t know much about the church of Smyrna. There are no letters written specifically to the congregation of Smyrna, although letters to surrounding churches were probably circulated around and written to the larger region rather than one specific church. Unlike the pattern of the letter to the church of Ephesus, Jesus doesn’t list the things Smyrna is doing well and the things He has against them. Instead, He simply encourages them in their suffering.
“These are the words of him who is the First and the Last, who died and came to life again. I know your afflictions and your poverty–yet you are rich!”
Revelation 2:8-9a
Not only do the words “who died and came to life again” refer specifically to Jesus, but they may have also been understood by the readers to reference the rebuilding and resurgence of Smyrna after it’s various conquests and catastrophes. Many times the persecution against those who refused to participate in the imperial cult were economic sanctions. Believers who refused to worship the emperor would have been prohibited from commerce. They would have been impoverished as a result, but Jesus is reminding them that they are spiritually wealthy in spite of their material poverty.
“I know about the slander of those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell, you the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown.”
Revelation 2:9b-10
It appears that in Smyrna like in other cities, even the Jews participated in emperor worship. These are the Jews Jesus refers to as the “synagogue of Satan.” They were Jews in name only because idol worship would have been abhorrent to a true Jew. The arrest and subsequent death of Polycarp appears to have been instigated by the Jews of the region. Polycarp was burned alive because he would not renounce Jesus Christ.
Here Jesus predicts the suffering of the believers at Smyrna, saying they will be imprisoned to test them and may even be put to death. The number ten can be symbolic in the Bible, and I believe it is used symbolically here. In Biblical symbology the number ten refers to God, His authority, and government. It seems a reference to the fact that these believers will be imprisoned by the government in control of Smyrna, and with everything that we know about the imperial cult and worship of the emperor, this makes the most sense.
CORPORATE APPLICATION
On the surface, this passage is a bit more difficult to apply to our corporate church body in modern times. We no longer have emperor worship. In America, we have separation of church and state, which is supposed to guarantee our right to worship without impediment by the government. However, there are current events and court cases that show that this may not always be the case. There have been city ordinances–thus far overturned in the courts–which have demanded that churches open their doors to homosexual marriages or transgender members. This is in direct conflict with the belief statements of the churches in question. When a government tries to force a church to violate their beliefs under the name of “inclusivity” or “anti-discrimination,” we are just a stone’s throw away from laws that would make it impossible for members of those churches to be allowed to participate in public life without some repercussion.
Laws that demand pastors turn over their sermons to government authorities for review and approval; laws that demand private Christian colleges obey certain guidelines established by the government in order for students to access public funding for their education; and laws that require pastors hand over the names and address of their members under the name of “public safety” are all similar in nature to the demands of emperor worship. There are even calls for these colleges and religious institutions to be placed out of business.
If that were to come to pass, we need to be prepared to ignore the laws of the government because they contradict the laws of God. You can be sure that when that happens, we will suffer as a church. Indeed, many are suffering as a corporate church body right now due to the shut downs from COVID-19. Jesus promises that this suffering is a testing of our faith. If we stay faithful, we will receive a victors crown.
INDIVIDUAL APPLICATION
Of course, as an individual, there are many times I may suffer persecution because of my faith. While it is uncommon for believers in America to undergo widespread persecution, especially by the government, it is not unheard of. Believers in other nations have been arrested. Some have been killed. In Muslim majority nations, believers are routinely beheaded for refusing to renounce Jesus Christ.
Approximately 20 years ago, at the mass shooting at Columbine High school, shooters asked students if they believed in God and promptly shot those who answered, “yes.” Cake shops and photographers and florists have all been put out of business for refusing to participate in same sex weddings. Parents have had children removed by CPS because they homeschool due to religious beliefs. There are louder and louder calls for Christians to be shunned and put out of business. If this comes to pass, we will find ourselves in the same position as the believers in Smyrna.
If it comes down to it, will I have the faith to stand like Polycarp and say:
“Eighty and six years I have served Him, and He has done me no wrong. How then can I blaspheme my King and Savior? You threaten me with a fire that burns for a season, and after a little while is quenched; but you are ignorant of the fire of everlasting punishment that is prepared for the wicked.”
Polycarp at his death
This is the kind of faith that Jesus encourages me to have. He promises that if I am victorious in this life–if I remain faithful, even unto death, and receive a victor’s crown–the second death will not hurt me at all. It’s time for me to evaluate my faith. Am I willing to lose my livelihood? My job? My reputation? My house? My family? My friends? Am I willing to love my life? for my faith in Jesus Christ. If that is the price He asks me to pay, will I pay it gladly as the saints of Smyrna did? I sincerely hope that I would.
“Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.“
We tend to take a lot of credit for what God has done on our behalf. That’s an act of our pride for sure. When we get proud of the fact that we are Christians and we start looking down on other believers or on non-believers thinking that we are better than them or have a better relationship with God, then we are in dangerous territory. There is nothing that makes us better than another person. We are blessed to have a relationship with Christ, but that doesn’t mean a non-believer is less than us.
We didn’t save ourselves. We didn’t make ourselves aware of our sinful condition and need for Jesus. We were dead in our sins. We were blind to our condition. We didn’t open our own eyes. No! It was all the work of God. When we see another believer at a different level than us, we can’t stand in judgement. The proper attitude is simply to acknowledge that God has made and saved them and is working on perfecting them the same way that He made us, saved us, and is still working on perfecting us. When we see someone who is not a believer, we can’t stand in judgement, thinking that they are ignorant. Of course they are! They are dead and blind. We need to pray that God will reach out His hand and open their eyes and save them.
When we remember that it is all God’s work, we can have the right attitude about our salvation and our position to others. We can put the focus where it should be: on God’s wonderful gifts to us and great love for us. We can pray with the right attitude for God to do the work and continue the work that He started until we are all like Him!
Father, I thank you that you love me so much. Sometimes I can be so prideful. Help me to remember that my salvation is all because of the work YOU did. Help me to remember that everything I have is a gift from YOU. I have done none of this for myself. I have earned none of your blessings, but you give them to me anyway because of who YOU are. Help me to keep my focus on the right place. Help me to be humble and thankful for all the gifts you have given to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Forgiveness can be a struggle. It’s a struggle to forgive someone who has really hurt you. It’s a struggle to confront someone with their sin in the hopes of being able to offer them forgiveness and reconcile with them. In Forgiveness Part 1 and Part 2, we talked a bit about vertical and horizontal forgiveness. Vertical forgiveness is when we take our offense and our pain to God. We talk to Him about what happened. We allow Him to define for us whether it was sin against us or not, and then we agree with Him and forgive as Scripture mandates. We work with Him to get through all the pain and healing that is needed to truly be set free from that sin. In Horizontal forgiveness, we’re confronting the offender after we’ve forgiven them through vertical forgiveness. We’re letting them know what they did and how it affected us. We are partnering with God in the hopes of bringing them to repentance and restoring their relationship with God first, and then if possible with us.
But what happens when we are the offender? How are we supposed to handle the sins that we commit against others? What does repentance and a need for forgiveness look like then? As hard as it is to forgive those who hurt us, it’s just as hard sometimes to approach someone we have hurt and ask for their forgiveness. It can be just as awkward to apologize as it is to rebuke someone.
Forgiveness from others is predicated on the example God gives in offering forgiveness. God is not short on mercy to forgive us. We learn from the parable of the Prodigal Son that God is ready and waiting, watching for us to approach Him in order to shower us with forgiveness. We receive ultimate forgiveness when we are born again. God forgives all our sins and cleanses us from them. We also receive forgiveness in smaller amounts after redemption as we have need of it. So when we commit a sin and become aware that we have sinned, we can approach God and receive confirmation of our forgiveness and a renewed cleansing from our sins.
We normally think of repentance in terms of vertical repentance. Just as vertical forgiveness involves us talking to God alone, vertical repentance involves the same thing. We recognize our sin against God. We bring that sin to God. We repent for the sin against God. The conversation is between me and God. When we sin against someone else, we need both vertical and horizontal repentance.
Where is the Scriptural foundation for repenting to our brothers and sisters for any wrongs we may have done? Romans 13:8 says that we are to “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.” Other translations say we are to “owe no man anything but to love him.” When I sin against you, I owe you a debt. I owe you truth. I owe you repentance. In some situations, I may even owe you restitution. Sin is a debt. When I commit an offense against you, I am leaving an outstanding debt. God clearly says that I can not do that. I need to pay that debt. I need to seek forgiveness by repenting to you for the sin I have committed against you.
Likewise, Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Offense removes peace. I can not live at peace with someone I have offended or harmed in some way. And Paul is clearly saying here that I need to live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on me. That means I need to take ownership for the wrong I have done. Hebrews 12:14 (NKJV) tells us to “pursue peace with all people.” Pursue peace. That’s an active word. We can’t just sit back and assume peace will happen. We have to put forth effort to make peace. We have to be peacemakers. What if the person I approach refuses to forgive me? Well, I have done my part if I have repented. We can’t control how a person will respond to our repentance and apology. We can only control our own actions. If we follow God’s way and repent for our wrongs, then we have done everything we can–we have done the “as far as it depends on you” part of pursuing peace.
Does God really care about my relationship with other people? Yes! Matthew 5: 23-26 shows us just how seriously God takes our relationships with others:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. 25 Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”
If you are at church, worshiping God and you realize that your brother or sister has something against you, leave and reconcile with them. God is saying that we are to interrupt ourselves and make it right. God doesn’t want our worship if we ignore obedience. If we “remember” that our brother or sister has something against us, it’s because the Holy Spirit has spoken to our hearts to remind us of a sin we have not taken care of. We need to make it right to the person we offended. Then, God will accept our worship and our sacrifice.
I can’t force another person to accept my apology. I can’t force another person to be reconciled to me. In the post, Boundaries, we talked about the ways to figure out where my responsibility ends and the other person’s begins. I am only responsible for my part. In relationships, each person has their own “stuff” that they are responsible for. I can’t take responsibility for the other person’s “stuff.” I can only take responsibility for my own. It’s important to know where that line is.
Let’s look at the second part of this section, verse 25-26: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”
There are two types of consequences to our sin against other people: 1) Natural–Depending on the nature of our offense, we could very well be hauled into a physical court room and made to pay a fine or serve jail time for our offense. I need to do whatever the natural court requires of me in order to demonstrate my repentance and make things right. 2) Spiritual–Our real adversary is the devil. If I sin against you and I refuse to repent, I have opened a legal door to the enemy that allows him to come in and oppress me. I need to repent in order to close that door to the enemy. In Genesis 4:6, God is speaking to Cain. Cain has brought a sacrifice that God did not accept. As a result, he is offended at God. God responds: “Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Sin is crouching at all our doors. It wants to come in and wreck havoc on our lives. Living with unrepentant sin allows that to happen.
Our sin is a debt. We owe God repentance for sinning against our brother and sister because by sinning against them we have also sinned against God, and we owe the person we offended our repentance. God gives no leeway in His requirements for our relationships with others. We are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. “Do to others what you would have them do to you for this sums up the law and the prophets. (Matthew 7:12)” We want others to apologize and make things right when they offend us. We owe them the same courtesy. But God calls us to an even higher standard of love toward other members of the body of Christ. He tells us that we are to love our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ the way that Jesus loved us: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:34-35)
As members of the body of Christ, our relationships with others–especially with others in the church–is supposed to be a picture of Jesus to the world around us. When we’re busy committing offenses against each other, not seeking forgiveness, and not offering forgiveness we are not doing anything that would attract a non-believer. They’re going to look at us and say “No, thank you!” But if the church is functioning the way God wants it to function, then we are creating a safe place. It’s a place where we seek forgiveness when we hurt someone. It’s a place where we freely offer forgiveness and love to those who have hurt us. It’s a place that attracts the non-believer because it put Jesus on display and stands in stark contrast to the way the world works. True love attracts people.
Of course, when we’re talking about offenses, we are doing so in the context of what God says. We allow God to define offense for us rather than our own feelings or the feelings of the other person. We have to be willing to surrender the issue to God no matter what side of the issue we’re on. We allow God to define it. So there may be times when something happens and we think it’s no big deal, but the Holy Spirit begins to prick our heart and say, “you need to go make things right with so-and-so.” We can’t argue with God and tell Him how this is not a big deal. He sees more than we see. He’s the only one who sees the actual Truth of what happened. If God says what we did is a sin against another person, then it’s a sin against another person, and we need to repent to God and also to that person.
If someone approaches us through horizontal forgiveness and rebukes us, we need to be willing to listen. If we don’t see the event the way they do, we need to be willing to take that issue back to God and see what He says about it. It’s okay to tell that person, “I don’t really see what you’re seeing here, but I care about you and I’m willing to take correction. I’m going to take this back to God and see what He says about it.” That’s an okay step to take because we know that we have to truly repent before we can expect to receive forgiveness. We’re now on the flip-side of the equation from what we talked about in Part 2.
So, we’ve heard from God, we know that we need to approach the person we’ve offended and repent. How do we do it?
We go to the person having heard from God first.
We go graciously. We don’t approach that person with a chip on our shoulder. We don’t go just because God told us to when we really feel self-justified. That’s why it’s important for us to hear from God first.
We go asking questions. We may know that we have offended someone, but we do not know their heart and mind. So we need to stay open to hearing what they have to say about the situation from their perspective.
We repent, and we let the other person know that we repent. Basically, we apologize, and we mean it.
We work to restore trust. We have to be willing to allow the offended person to explain their losses and the effects our sin had on their life. We need to be patient and careful.
Approaching someone to repent is uncomfortable. It may even make the person you’re apologizing to uncomfortable as well. Just as many people don’t know how to offer forgiveness to another person or how to rebuke someone who has offended them, many do not know what to do when someone apologizes to them. Our pastor tells this story:
When he was younger, our pastor stole a pocket knife from a local five and dime store. He thought nothing of it. Later as an adult, he was born again. God reminded him of the pocket knife that he had stolen. He went to the owner of the store and said, “Many years ago I stole a pocket knife from you. I want to pay for it and anything else you think is needed.” The owner responded, “Did you just get saved? I get people in here all the time telling me about stuff they stole because they got saved. Don’t worry about it. Welcome to the family!”
Once we’ve gone to the person with our understanding of God’s conviction, we need to be able to listen and hear how the other person saw the situation. God can use that to restructure how we view the offense and to restructure our understanding of sin in general. God uses it to grow up. We need to honor and respect the person we’ve offended, take their input, and sort it out with the help of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, we may need to seek wise counsel from a third party to know the best way to go about making amends and rebuilding trust.
Let’s be clear:
We aren’t looking to this person for a clear conscience. The person we offended can’t do anything about our conscience. That’s up to God. We have to repent to God for our sin as well as to the person we’ve offended in order to receive a clean conscience. We are going to this person to help us understand our sin against them and to try to restore our relationship with them.
We need to be able to distinguish between real sin and actual sin. This comes from God. Unless we have the conviction that we were wrong, we should not approach the other person to ask for forgiveness. We can’t ask for forgiveness if we don’t feel convicted that we were wrong because we are not truly repentant at that point. In order to truly repent, we have to believe that what we did was wrong and requires repentance.
Ultimately we need to make restitution to that person. It could be actually paying them back for something we’ve taken. If we’ve damaged their reputation, we may have to work hard to restore it. It may require us to humble ourselves and admit our sin to others in order to restore the reputation we’ve damaged. If we’ve gossiped, we need to go to those we gossiped with and retract our statements. There are also actions that we can do that demonstrate our repentance and understanding that do not fall under the category of restitution. The offended party is the one who determines what actions they need to see in order to restore the lost trust.
HOW CAN WE APPROACH THE PERSON WHEN ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS?
“I want to have a good relationship with you…..”
“I want to be under God’s authority in our relationship……”
“I want our relationship to be free from offense…..”
ACTIVATION
Lord, is there anyone that I need to go to and ask for forgiveness?
“It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.“
Before we became believers, we all lived a life polluted by sin. We were stuck in the muck and the mire. One youth pastor told his congregation, “Before you were saved, you were living in a back alley and eating out of trash cans. You thought that was what life was supposed to be, but when you got saved you got a ticket to Disney Land. You can’t imagine your old life. It seems ridiculous that you ever lived that way!” I think that’s true. Before we knew Jesus, we had no idea what our lives looked like to God. We thought we had freedom. We thought we were successful. It wasn’t until God opened our eyes to how we really looked from His perspective that we realized just how bad our lives were.
When we saw God’s grace, God’s holiness, and God’s love, we realized that we had no idea what real freedom or success looked like. We had it all wrong! And it really is amazing that God didn’t give up on us. He was offering us a world of truth and freedom and real, eternal life, and before our eyes were opened, we rejected all of it for a life of illusion, slavery, and death. But God is so loving and merciful that He persisted. He kept offering us life. He kept offering us mercy. He completed the offer with His Son’s life. He paid a debt we could not begin to pay–a debt we didn’t even know that we owed!
Now everything we have we received from God. It was all God’s doing. It was all God’s work. And He’s still not done yet. He continues to shower us with blessings we don’t deserve.
Father, I thank you that you are a merciful, loving, and patient God. I thank you that even when I was in my lowest state, living life with no real knowledge of what I was doing, you looked down on me and loved me. You picked me up. You cleaned me off. You paid a debt I didn’t even know I owed. It was a debt I could never pay. You did it just because you love me. Even now, you shower me with undeserved blessings just because you love me. Thank you, God, for your amazing unconditional love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
A Beautiful Mess 