As I was reading my daily Bible reading, I came across a verse that stuck out to me: 1 Chronicles 16:43. Let me set the stage a bit. Saul has killed himself in battle with the Philistines, and David has been made king over all Israel. David has retaken Jerusalem, assembled a group of mighty warriors, and gone to get the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem. They didn’t do this the right way, though, and Uzzah was killed. David leaves the ark in the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite because he fears the Lord and understands that he is too sinful to have the ark with him. Then he defeats the Philistines. Finally, he has decided to bring the ark back God’s way by consulting with the Levites on how to carry the ark. The ark is returned to the tent David has made for it, and the entire nation worships before the Lord. David re-institutes the tabernacle worship, and then comes verse 16:43 of 1 Chronicles:
” Then all the people left, each for their own home, and David returned home to bless his family.”
1 Chronicles 16:43
David returned home to bless his family. He has finished blessing God, and now it’s his family’s turn. When I read this it got me to thinking about what it means to bless our family and also about all the ways my husband blesses our family.
The Talmud says that a father must:
- circumcise his son
- redeem him (if he is the first born)
- teach him Torah (God’s law)
- assure that he marries
- teach him a trade
- and teach him to swim
That’s what it takes according to Jewish custom to be a good father. In Jewish families, fathers and mothers have different roles to play, but they are both important. You can’t have a fully functional family without both. Jewish mothers handle the day to day teaching. They lay down the rules. Fathers are seen as the enforcer of those rules. According to Rabbi Wechterman, “Mothers provide the nurturing love that builds confidence and enables personalities to flourish. Fathers provide the mentoring that directs our paths and shows us right from wrong.”
Since my husband is a truck driver, I am often on my own when it comes to things around the house. Before our kids were placed in foster care, the bulk of the child rearing duties fell squarely on my shoulders. That’s an exhausting task! So the weekends when my husband came home really felt like an incredible blessing. Raising my girls was easy. I knew what they were thinking and feeling. They made sense to me. I could remember what it was like for me when I was their age, and it gave me insider guidance on how to help them navigate life. But the boys are like an entirely different species! I have no idea what they’re thinking. They seem to be motivated by danger and destruction. I don’t know how to guide them into manhood because I have no idea what it means to be a man, much less to be a man of God.
I look to my husband to train our sons to be men of God. I look to him to guide our daughters in certain areas as well. He teaches them self defense. He teaches them to work with their hands–to repair things for themselves and to be independent. There is something about a father’s love that speaks differently to us than a mother’s love does. God made it that way. We need both. My husband is extremely strong willed. It’s a blessing and a curse, but I know that my children will learn from him how to stand up for what they believe in and refuse to back down. They will learn loyalty and devotion. They learn integrity. They learn what it means to be strong and to have an unshakeable faith. These are things that I can’t teach them in the same way. My faith looks different. It has a feminine, relational flavor to it, but my husband’s has a law-abiding, justice-minded flavor to it. I think we need both to please God.
When my husband is home, the things he adds to the household are truly a blessing. I feel secure when he is here. I’m less afraid. I feel as if I have a stronger teammate around. One who sees the world differently from me and in a way that I desperately need to see it if I’m to understand how to navigate it in order to raise my kids. My husband’s faith in God is different than mine. He prays differently. He reads the Bible differently. God relates to us differently. And all of those viewpoints total up to God. God didn’t create just male. He didn’t create just female. He created male and female. He designed us for relationship. He did it because we need both of us together to form a picture of who God is.
The biggest blessing my husband brings to our house and to our family is his relationship with God. The Hebrew word for bless is barak. It means to kneel. When we bless, we are showing our submission to God. We are worshiping Him. We are opening up the door for God to work through us for the betterment of our families, our marriages, and our children. That’s what God desires. He wants us to submit to His plans for us. That’s what truly blesses us. It isn’t so much about the things I do. It isn’t so much about the things my husband does. It’s about the things that we allow God to do through each of us by our absolute submission to Him and reliance on Him to provide what we need.
A Beautiful Mess 