We all have responsibilities in our life. Some of them come as a result of our stage of life. We have more responsibilities as an adult than we do as a child, for example. Some of them come as a result of the season of life we are in. The responsibilities we have when we are single are different than the responsibilities we have when we are married. No matter what stage of life you’re in, you probably have something that you are responsible for and someone that you are responsible to. According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word responsibility means: “1) the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone; 2) the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something; and 3) the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.” It’s clear to see how responsibilities play a role in our lives, but are we handling our responsibilities correctly?
Sometimes our responsibilities seem to be overwhelming. When this happens, it could be a result of taking on false responsibilities. False responsibilities occur when we allow our God-given responsibilities to become unbalanced and take on worry or anxiety over things that are no longer in our purview. Today, I want to look at false responsibilities and how we can gain freedom in the area of our responsibilities.
Just to review: Freedom is not the absence of something; it is the presence of Someone. In seeking freedom, we aren’t trying to remove something from our lives. Instead, we’re welcoming God into that area and allowing Him to take over control. When we do that, the things that glorify God remain, the things that don’t bring glory to God fade away, and we are able to get a balance in our lives. Freedom is when I can fully respond to God as the person He created me to be. Because God created each of us to be individually unique, my freedom might look different than your freedom. That’s okay. It’s all about how we respond to God. It’s about what God wants to do in our lives and about surrendering ourselves to His authority and Lordship.
God has given each of us certain responsibilities. Here is a generalized list of our God-given responsibilities (again, this is going to apply to different people at different times in their lives):
- To be a child of God
- To/for our spouse (if we are married)
- As a parent
- As a child
- As an employee
- As an employer
- As a friend
- To pray
- To give
- To fast
- To serve
- To study God’s Word
These are all responsibility God has given us, and these are all responsibilities that can become unbalanced at times.
Matthew 6:33 tells us to: “seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” When we put first things first and seek God’s Kingdom, we are less likely to become bound by false responsibilities. That’s because in seeking God first, we are listening to what He has to say about the events of our life. We are allowing Him to direct our path. We are following His directives. That level of obedience protects us from things that would draw us away from God. In Mark 12:30-31, Jesus tells us that there are two great commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
So what does false responsibility look like? Here’s a more obvious example: Let’s say I have a friend who likes to drive extremely fast. They ignore the speed limit. They see no issue in doing so, and they often brag about how much faster they can get from point A to point B by doing so. Naturally, I am concerned about my friend’s safety. I’m concerned because they are taking risks by speeding. They could have an accident and get hurt. They could get a ticket or lose their license. As a result of my feelings of concern, I feel compelled to have a conversation with them about their speeding problem. I go to them and express my concern, and they promptly ignore me. They make excuses and brush off my attempts at reproof. The continue to speed. I continue to worry. I go to them again and express my concern, and again they brush me off. They pattern can repeat itself ad nauseum. When I feel that I have got to do something about my friend’s speeding problem, it has become a responsibility for me. The truth is that it is not really mine. The problem is my friends, and the responsibility for the problem lies with him/her. But I have taken it on as my own; it has become a false responsibility.
There are other things in life that we may look at and take responsibility for that are not really ours. Some of these are far more subtle than the previous example. I might take responsibility for:
- the past
- wrongs that have been done to me
- the sins of others
- future events
- my children (beyond the age where God expects me to be responsible for them)
- my parents (beyond my responsibility as their child)
- someone else’s happiness or emotions, in general
Sometimes knowing our purpose can help us avoid taking responsibility for things that we really have no control over. Our purpose is what God wants me to do with my life. Our purpose is not our occupation. Our occupation may help us to accomplish our purpose, but if our occupation were our purpose then when we retire or we no longer have that occupation, we would have no purpose. Our purpose is life long. It doesn’t end when we retire or leave a particular job. It’s much bigger than that.
Our purpose helps us navigate the responsibilities we have been given by God to do. These help us recognize responsibilities that might change over time, like our responsibility to parent our children or our responsibility to our employer. Those things will end when our children are grown or when we leave that job. If we are trying to take responsibility for something that has no place in our purpose, we may be out of God’s will. We may be pursuing “good” ideas, but not “God” ideas. All of this comes back to allowing God to have sovereignty over our lives. If we’re really seeking God first and following His instructions, we aren’t going to be trying to take control over things that have nothing to do with us.
Here’s an example: Let’s imagine that God has blessed me with $20 dollars. I know that God wants me to give that $20 to my friend to be a blessing to them. My responsibility for that $20 dollars when God gives it to me is to do what God says to do with it–to be a good steward of that money. So my responsibility in this instance is to give that money to my friend. Does my friend deserve the money? Well, not really. It’s a gift. I’m not giving it to my friend in exchange for something else. I’m giving it as a gift. What if I now expect my friend to owe me something? What if I want to know how this friend intends to use my gift? Does this person owe me something? Do they need to answer to me about what they do with this money? Can I put expectations on them because of this gift? No! Once I have given the gift, my responsibility for that money is ended, and I no longer have the right to have expectations about that gift.
Ultimately it comes down to this question: Do I trust God to handle whatever situation I am taking responsibility for, or do I think God needs my help? If I trust God, I’m going to turn the ultimate responsibility over to Him and only do what He asks me to do. If I think He needs my help in a situation, I’m more likely to cross over into the realm of false responsibility. I’m going to try to control things that I have no right to control. I’m going to violate boundaries. I need to trust God to handle things and not try to play God or to take on the role of the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life.
When we assume responsibilities that aren’t ours, we lose focus on what God is calling us to do. So how can we recognize when we are taking on false responsibilities? We need to ask ourselves: How much time am I spending thinking about someone else’s activities? Is this “responsibility” or worry that I’ve taken on keeping me from focusing on God and what He wants me to do? 1 Peter 5:6-7 says: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” We need to come under God’s authority, submit our lives and our responsibilities to Him, and humble ourselves. When we cast our cares on God, we are trusting Him to handle things without our help. We are letting go of worry and anxiety. We are allowing God to have dominion and authority over our lives. We are allowing Him to set our priorities and our responsibilities to be in line with His will.
ACTIVATION
Ask God the following questions, and wait for Him to respond. Remember that God speaks to us in a variety of ways. You may hear an audible voice. You may get a picture in your mind. You may just have a persistent feeling or impression. God is an incredibly creative communicator. He speaks in a variety of ways, but He always speaks in a way where you can hear and understand.
Ask God:
- Father, am I holding on to some responsibilities that are not mine?
- Am I holding onto responsibilities that are really Yours?
- Are there responsibilities in my life that You want to talk to me about?
- Are there some ways that I’ve been not trusting you fully in these situations?
- Are there some ways that I’m thinking that You’re not enough to do what needs to be done?
Father, I choose to trust You. I repent from not trusting You. Forgive me. I give you control right now over the responsibilities I’ve assumed in my life. Show me how to lay those things down at your feet and give control back to you. I release back to you (insert here whatever God has shown you). I release back to You Your Kingdom. Father, show me today how I can trust you. Show me today how I can live in your peace, knowing that you are smarter than I am. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
A Beautiful Mess 