Resiliency

Most of us agree that the time we’re in right now is unlike anything we’ve ever dealt with before. The loss of jobs and the loss of interaction with our friends has probably made us anxious and overwhelmed. Sudden changes to our everyday routines can result in trauma. Now, most of think of trauma as something really, really bad happening to us. We may limit it to an injury or an accident. We might think of trauma as something that only happens during war, but trauma is really any experience that is deeply distressing or disturbing. Trauma is a very individual thing. What may be deeply distressing and disturbing to me may not be deeply distressing and disturbing to you and vice versa. The truth is that trauma exists in all kinds of scenarios, and how we respond to that trauma determines what kind of long term effects it will have on our life.

One of the best factors in determining how trauma will effect us is resiliency. Resilience is the ability to recover from traumatic events. Resilient people possess the following characteristics:

• They set and move toward realistic goals.
• They have an ability to look long term.
• They accept change as a normal part of life.
• They engage in active decision making.
• They engage in self-discovery.
• They communicate well and problem solve.
• They are actively learning new things.
• They have an overall optimistic outlook.
• They have a realistic perspective of themselves and the world around them.
• They accept and manage the presence of strong feelings.
• They are flexible.
• They have a positive view of themselves.
• They actively engage in self care.
• They build meaningful connections with others.

Being resilient doesn’t mean you are stoic or unperturbed. It doesn’t mean that the things that come your way don’t bother you. It doesn’t mean you never experience trauma. Resiliency means that you acknowledge that life is hard, but you focus on the resources at your disposal that will allow you to bounce back rather than on the negative traumatic experience itself. The Bible has a lot to say about our attitude and our mind. When we listen to the words of the Bible, we are better able to build resiliency to our situation.

One of the things that helps us build resiliency is a belief in and commitment to something that is higher and bigger than we are. For us, as believers, this means our belief in God. We know that God loves us. We know that God is sovereign. We know that God has control of the situation. God does not experience trauma. He is trustworthy. So we know that we can rely on Him to get us through traumatic times. Romans 8:28 tells us that God works all things together for our good. While we are in the midst of a difficult time in our lives, it helps to put our focus on the good that God will ultimately bring out of it.

Another thing that helps us build resiliency is a knowledge that we are a part of a larger community. One of the reasons that God has given us a church body is so that we can help and support each other during difficult times. Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another’s burdens so that we can fulfill the law of Christ. Not only do we have a body of fellow believers that can help rally around us during difficulties and give us a sense of community, but we also have God Himself. We know that we are never going to go through something alone. God is always with us. In Joshua 1:9, God tells us that He is with us wherever we go, so we do not have to be afraid.

During traumatic times, we often become fearful that we will be without. With many out of work right now due to the COVID-19 shut downs, there is a lot of fear about how we will pay the bills and how we will get enough food to eat. Those are very real fears and very real struggles, but God has given us an answer in His Word. He has promised to provide for us. Philippians 4:19 says that God will supply all our needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. God knows what we need even before we ask Him. He knows our worries and our fears. That’s why He tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6 to lean on Him instead of on our own understanding. By placing our trust in Him and seeking Him first, we allow God to bless us with everything we stand in need of.

Not only has God promised to bring good out of a bad situation or given us a community to be a part of or promised to meet all our needs, but He has also promised that we will have victory. Jesus told us that even though we will have trouble in the world, He has overcome it (John 16: 33). We can share Jesus’ peace and His victory! 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” No matter how badly it seems to be, we know that we have victory through Christ. We may be knocked down, but we are not without hope. We have God’s promise of victory to see us through.

Finally, we build our resiliency by focusing on a bigger picture. When we change our attitude from what we are going through right now to what we can be grateful for, even in the midst of hardship, we are on the way to having a resilient attitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in all circumstances. No matter how bad it appears to be, there is always something we can be grateful for. Cultivating a grateful heart helps us put things into perspective. It also builds our faith. When we consider all the ways that God has blessed us in the past, it builds our faith to believe that He will bless us in the future.

It’s normal when you’re experiencing trauma to want to kind of fold in on yourself, to withdraw from people and to isolate. There’s a time and a place for that, but don’t stay there. People who stay isolated during stress instead of using the resources around them are less resilient than those who might isolate for a short time but ultimately begin to focus outside themselves. Romans 12:21 tells us that the secret of overcoming evil is to do good. When we take the time, even in our pain, to do good to others, we lessen that pain and build resiliency so that, in time, we can bounce back, stronger than before. Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). We know that God is with us. He will see us through any difficult time we are facing. He will not allow us to be destroyed, even if we are discouraged for a time.

No one is going to be perfect at being resilient. It’s something we all have to work towards. We can build resiliency in our life in the in-between times. The time to learn good coping skills, get a good friend group, and educate ourselves on the resources available to us is before trauma happens. Yes, we can do it in the midst of our struggles, but if we have healthy, life-giving strategies in place before something bad happens, we will be more successful at navigating the difficult times. Begin building your resiliency today. Study God’s promises. Lean into Him for direction, provision, and understanding. Find a good church home and build a group of trustworthy friends who are compassionate, competent, and full of good character so that when you need someone to lean on, they are there for you. We need to be brave enough to ask for help when we need it and brave enough to acknowledge that we are struggling and need help when we are. We don’t have to pretend to be fine all the time, but as believers we should be examples of resiliency to the world around us.