This past weekend was our annual Midwinter Getaway for the women at my church. It’s a two day event at a local retreat center just for women. We meet up Friday night, share dinner, have a message and then break for either a fun movie fellowship time as a group or fellowship with your roommates. Saturday is filled with breakfast, more messages, breakout sessions (which include a craft), lunch, more messages, and departing blessings. We have wonderful praise and worship times at the start of each session. It’s a great time!
I have been attending my church for the past 3 years. We began attending in November of 2017 when my youngest son was just a few months old. When February of 2018 rolled around, I heard about the Midwinter Getaway, but I lacked the funds to go. Still, I felt the desire in my heart to go away with the women of my church. I’m an introvert, but I was coming to enjoy the times shared together at weekly Bible Study on Thursday mornings. I had made some casual acquaintances. Plus, I had heard all the wonderful stories of the amazing things that God did on these weekends away.
As the end of 2018 rolled around and I was asking God about my goals for 2019, I felt led to write down the goal to attend Midwinter Getaway. I started putting money into savings every week in order to buy my ticket. Then my daughter’s mental health went into crisis, and we began our struggle with the dual broken systems of mental health and foster care. I had managed to save up the money for the ticket. I had arranged child care for the weekend for the younger kids. Everything looked good.
Then the kids were placed in foster care. My babysitter called to say that the predicted snow meant she might not be able to watch the kids after all. “That’s okay,” I replied numbly. “The state took them.” But I had my ticket, and I tried to be grateful that I could go and enjoy this time without the pull of the kids being home without me. There were no other responsibilities now to keep me away. There was even a wonderful donation given on my behalf that allowed me to attend the event for free. I used the money I had saved and purchased a ticket for my oldest daughter. We never get to spend time together, and she isn’t really living the Christian life. I thought this would give us a chance to spend some mother-daughter time together, and it might open a door for God in her life.
As I was seeking God in prayer and crying my brokenness out to Him, I heard God whisper this verse from the Song of Solomon. “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” (Song of Solomon 4:7) Then I heard “Come away with me.” I went to the conference that year full of heartbreak and yearning. I didn’t know what God had in store for me, but I was praying it would be something that would get me through the darkness that was trying to surround me and take over. The conference theme for 2019 was Flourish. The messages shared were about not giving up, about getting your breakthrough, about fighting through the hard times. I felt hope rise up in me, and I clung to the many promises that God gave me that weekend. My daughter agreed that the time away was wonderful. She even said she would gladly do it again.
So I made the commitment then and there that as long as our family was in Michigan, I would attend this conference every year. I began saving up again at the end of 2019 in order to purchase my ticket for 2020. This time I not only invited my oldest daughter, I invited some of my friends who I thought could use a break from everyday life and some time with God. Only one of my friends was able to come. My daughter couldn’t afford a ticket this year. So I packed my bags, grabbed my friend, and set off for the retreat center.
Once again, the retreat did not disappoint. This year’s theme was Declare and Decree. We heard messages about declaring the Word of God over our lives, how important it is to speak life over our circumstances, and how to rest in the promises of God. I arrived at the conference center full of joy. It just bubbled out of me. I had so much joy in me that I gladly participated in the ice breaker (as an introvert this is the worst part of the entire weekend!). I was amazed at how many women I knew at the conference this year, and how wonderful it was to share this time away with them.
God honored this weekend. He spoke directly to me as He always does when I quiet myself and tune in to what He’s saying. The guest speaker had prayed over me when this whole dark situation in my life started. I was honored to have her pray over me again. She has prayed over me at key times within the last year as well, and I am taking it as a sign that these dark times are nearly over. At the closing blessing ceremony, my volunteer leader gave me a parting blessing. She commented on the dark times I had gone through this past year and on the brightness of my smile and the joy she always sees on my face. “It’s clear you’re trusting God, and that He’s putting that joy in your heart. Your testimony is so powerful to me.” she said.
Wow! Thank you, God! You bring beauty from ashes. In this dark time in my life, you are pruning me to grow new fruit for you. You have given me new vision, called me out of my comfort zone, and allowed your light to shine brightly through me to be a testimony to others of your power and your peace and your miracles. I am so thankful that you are using me, even now. Even when a year ago I thought I was too broken to be any earthly good. You have used your creative words to speak life into me.
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” I hear it in the dark moments when I doubt that God is there…when I wonder if He sees me or hears me. He whispers it to me over and over again. He is refining me. He is making pure gold out of me. This winter season seems so long, and yet I can see small signs that show that Spring is on its way. I can’t wait to see what blessing God brings forth when this winter turns to Spring and the harvest of this waiting time in my life comes forth!
A Beautiful Mess 