I’m sure your Facebook newsfeed is as full as mine is with New Year’s Resolutions lists and friend’s goals for the year. I love seeing posts that celebrate what a person accomplished or where they’ve been, but sometimes those posts get to me. Sometimes instead of celebrating with the other person, I find myself comparing what I’ve done to what they did.
I have highly ambitious friends….friends who somehow managed to not get sidetracked by life in general and, instead, to reach the goals they set for themselves back in highschool. They are highly successful in their careers. They are financially stable. They are traveling the world. They are happy and satisfied with their lives in this moment–or at least they appear to be in their Facebook posts! I can’t help looking at these friends, whose goals were so similar to mine back then, and think about how far apart we are now.
In highschool, I was on track to go to college and then to medical school. My goal was to be a doctor. I wanted to be in family practice. There was something about the idea of caring for a person from birth to the grave that really appealed to me. I wanted to help people, and I loved science and medicine. They fascinated me. I also wanted to work as a missionary, helping to spread the Word of God around around the world. I figured that medicine would open doors just about anywhere and allow me to do that.
But then life happened. I made a few wrong turns. I had a child. I got married. I had another child. I got divorced. I had another child. I got married again. I had two more children. I got divorced. I married for the third (and final!) time. I had two more children……well, you get the picture. None of my children were wrong turns, per se, but most of them were born under less than ideal circumstances. I had to leave college to support my growing family. There wasn’t time anymore for pursuing an ambitious career like medicine. My priorities shifted, and suddenly raising my kids and homeschooling them was more important to me than a high-paying job.
It would be easy to look at the accomplishments of my friends and feel “less than.” I could look at all the glamorous pictures of European vacations or Caribbean cruises and feel like somehow my life matters a bit less. What have I done on that scale? Where have I gone? I’m not a doctor. I haven’t accomplished my goals. I’m middle-aged now (dear Lord, when did that happen?), and I have nothing to show for my life.
But that’s not really true. My friends who are doctors….not all of them have families. Some are single. Most don’t have children. Would I really trade my family and my children for a job, however fulfilling? No. I wouldn’t. For a while, I fell prey to the comparison trap, but now I try to focus on the things I HAVE accomplished. I have a good marriage overall. I love my husband and can’t imagine living life without him, even in those moments when our marriage has been struggling. I have 7 beautiful children. They are polite and well-mannered. They are kind and giving. They are good people. I have taught them to love themselves and each other. I have a home that I own. I’m nowhere near debt free, but I’m not in debt to the extent that some of my friends are. I’m even managing to save for retirement….well, my husband’s retirement. I am at home where I want to be. I get to educate my children. I get to spend every day with them. I am blessed beyond measure! And as the cherry on the top, the Lord provided a college degree for me this past year!
So when you’re scrolling through Facebook, looking at all the wonderful accomplishments of family and friends, don’t fall into the comparison trap. Remember that you are only seeing snapshots of their lives–and only the best snapshots, of course. You aren’t seeing the whole picture. You don’t know how they’re really doing. How they really feel. If they’re really as happy and satisfied as they seem. You are you, and what you’ve done with your life is just as worthwhile.
My stepsister posted a meme that said, “I know we are in the yearly recap phase on social media and everyone is announcing their biggest wins, but please don’t compare yourself and your progress to others. If your biggest achievement was just staying alive, then that’s a win too!” This really resonated with me because with all the struggles of the past year, I definitely felt like most of what I did was stay alive. It was a win! It was a huge win. Sometimes I think it was a bigger win because it meant I didn’t give up, and I fought through the trial…am still fighting through the trial.
So this year, I’m leaving the comparison trap behind. I’m going to celebrate with those in my life who are celebrating. For those who are mourning, I’m going to mourn with them. And the only person I’m going to compete against is myself….to be a better person tomorrow than I was today!
A Beautiful Mess 